do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
