I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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