real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
