whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
