I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am one with the molecules
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
