nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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