it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
