You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize