so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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