Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We left the knife in your bed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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