we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
