she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I looked at my own cervix.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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