i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
