I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
