the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize