it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
