I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
