i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
