I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
