currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Operation Purity has been aborted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
third nipple confirmed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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