How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
