I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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