This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
