Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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