she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have fence marks all over my body
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
