i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
