Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
