Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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