Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
