I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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