tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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