2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
