hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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