I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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