he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
