I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
