Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
