It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
