Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
