Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
