I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
