We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
