wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just pee around me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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