Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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