we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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