I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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