you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
