he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
