Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
