I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
