he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
