watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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