Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
