I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
