lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
