i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
