I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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