Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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