i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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