I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize