Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have already put on my inside pants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
