um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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