WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
is that a dick in a sweater?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
