hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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