Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize