rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
