I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
