my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize