Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
