I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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