Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
