I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize