His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
