I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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