He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
