im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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