god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
