she looked like the bat from fern gully.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Come on in and take your pants off
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