I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
