Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
