Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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