I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
