im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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