Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I faked an abortion last night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
