just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
