I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize