So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
