My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
