the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
