i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
