its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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