I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
