My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
