i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
