I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize