I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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