2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
