so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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