3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
