this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
