know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
