I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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